The Jane Rizzoli Rulebook

There are certain lessons that people need to learn when dealing with Boston homicide detective, Jane Rizzoli.

Let’s do this Leroy Jethro Gibbs style and make a list of the rules & lessons:

Bad Guy/Serial Killer Lessons

Lesson #1: Don’t threaten Jane’s loved ones. You will not survive her wrath.
Lesson #2: Give her enough time and a smidgen of information and Jane WILL figure it out.
Lesson #3: Even if you think you have Jane (and maybe even a loved one) in your clutches and you are moments from your Holy Grail of seeing her die by your hand, (or after you've run away & decided not to stay & watch) remember that she still has people watching her back and will outsmart you.
Lesson #4: If you hesitate for even a split second, Jane will take advantage and get the upper hand.
Lesson #5: Never have an accomplice when trying to kill Jane. You will both fail.
Lesson #6: If you’re thinking of using Jane as a human shield, forget it. She will willingly take herself out in order to get to you.
Lesson #7: Remember that Jane’s not afraid to let her extended "family" call a mob boss to bring payback if you threaten a loved one.
Lesson #8: Jane’s loved ones will also lie, steal and kill for her to keep her safe.
Lesson #9: Jane can run. You only have the advantage if she’s in a dress & heels.
Lesson #10: if you confess to a crime in order to cover for someone you love, Jane might believe it for a few minutes, but only until the rest of the evidence has been processed.

Jane Rizzoli’s "Anything For The Job" Rules

Rule #1: If the rest of the cops won’t shoot the bad guy using you as a shield, shoot him through your own body.
Rule #2: If protocol dictates getting information from a baseball star by eating at a high-class restaurant, swap clothes with your very stylish best friend, and you'll have him eating out of your hand.
Rule #3: When you’re in need of getting DNA from a lesbian killer, flirt with her and let her lick your neck.
Rule #4: When trapped by your very own personal serial killer boogieman nemesis & his accomplice, never give up looking for a way out. The accomplice will be the easier of the two targets.
Rule #5: When the boss tells you to stop working on a case that’s very personal to you, keep working it and let your partners run interference for you.
Rule #6: No matter how many times you’ve looked through surveillance tapes and have found nothing, keep looking. The evidence is there.
Rule #7: Always know who has your back in every type of scenario.
Rule #8: Be distrusting of federal agents showing up at your crime scenes. They may know important details and not tell you.
Rule #9: Even when not cleared for duty after injury, be forceful enough to have the boss let you work “off the books”.
Rule #10: Take one for the team. Accept an award for bravery, even if you don’t think it’s deserved.

Jane Rizzoli Friend & Family Rules

Rule #1: Jane will do anything for those that she loves, including shooting herself to kill a bad guy.
Rule #2: No matter how hard you try to resist, you will find yourself doing anything for her – even lying & stealing.
Rule #3: Keeping her family happy is important to Jane. She’ll wear a skirt & heels to Sunday brunch with mom, and even let her mom buy her a LBD. But don’t overdo it. No begonia-colored walls!
Rule #4: if you want Jane to relax, sit on the couch & watch a game with her – even if she yells at the tv, she’s still relaxing.
Rule #5: Jane isn’t afraid to flash her badge to help a family member get something they want.
Rule #6: If you’re in a hostage situation with Jane, watch her eyes. She’ll give you a clue on how to be resourceful & foil the bad guy.
Rule #7: If you’re a “lovable screw-up felon” brother who’s done time in the joint, remember that Jane needs time to accept that you’ve paid for your sins and are trying to change your ways. She will eventually come to realize that you're a good kid at heart.
Rule #8: Mothers may be annoying, but their heart is in the right place. Jane knows this and will tolerate it - to a certain extent. Even allowing the occasional hug from Mama R.
Rule #9: If you want to know what to get Jane for her birthday, just ask her. You might be able to make her all-time wishes come true. And you can never go wrong with ponies…and don’t forget about racing.
Rule #10: Former partners are ‘family’ too. When someone’s threatened that part of your family, never give up hope of a happy ending.
Rule #11: Even though you're family, don't be an asshole. Papa Rizzoli, I'm looking at you.
Rule #12: When you've betrayed Jane's trust, flowers are not a good make-up gift. Giving inside information to help a case works much better.
Rule #13: don't let Jane near strange pieces of "junk" art. She'll get the urge to take it apart.

The Jane & Maura LLBFF rules

rule #1: NOBODY puts the LLBFF in harm's way and gets away with it.
rule #2: Boyfriends are tolerated on occasion, but just remember that you’re settling for second-best, and the LLBFF is trying to prove a point by allowing you to see the mistake of your actions.
rule #3: When Jane says "Don’t", DON’T.
rule #4: "sleepovers" that include sleeping while clothed still counts.
rule #5: hugs are always welcomed - but only from the LLBFF (and occasionally Mama R).
rule #6: If Jane sees you’re unhappy, she will go to all lengths to rectify the situation.
rule #7: talking Google makes Jane starry-eyed - or brings a welcome distraction from a love-gone-wrong crisis.
rule #8: having Jane’s mom staying in the guest house does have its advantages. (adding the "screw up" brother might be pushing things a bit.)
rule #9: Jane will apologize at the drop of the hat if you give even a hint of being insulted by her.
rule #10: Jane may play down her intelligence when comparing herself to you & your background, but don’t be fooled. She’s smarter than she pretends to be around you.
rule #11: Don’t misdiagnose Jane’s dog’s symptoms. It will cost you.
rule #12: knowing Jane is desperate for crucial evidence will make you go against your rules and you’ll end up lying, stealing and even *gasp* guessing just to please her.
rule #13: There are times when switching clothes, and even making "peep toes" from expensive shoes, are all in the line of duty to ensure that the LLBFF is properly attired for a swanky occasion.
rule #14: reading each other’s body language is a necessity for keeping the relationship in tact - and sometimes for escaping the bad guys.
rule #15: Totally Gratuitous, Totally Gay Touching (TGTGT) makes the subtext all the more fun.
rule #16: Protect the LLBFF at all costs. Even when Maura's life is in danger, Jane will tough it out and do emergency field surgery at Maura's request.
rule #17: if you're going to do something "outrageous", make sure Jane is with you to ensure that you don't get arrested for doing something illegal.
rule #18: when upset with the LLBFF, don't let her publicly humiliate herself with a TP tail for all her colleagues to see.
rule #18: when the LLBFF is distraught over a potential suitor gone awry, be there to hold her hand and make her smile.